As I am the senior male member of my family and Father's Day was this past Sunday, that would make me something like the grand old father. It is never anything I thought much about, but since I am the one, I can accept the honor.
However, even though my own dad, who passed away in 1999, was not here for Father's Day, that doesn't mean he was far from my mind.
Perhaps the thought that enters my mind most often about my dad is wanting to ask him, "How am I doing?"
All of us want our dad's approval and that desire follows us, I believe, all our lives. When faced with a decision, that question "What would my dad do?" is considered in the final answer.
That doesn't mean my decisions are what my dad would do because I have done things he did not do when he had the chance.
My big example is buying farmland. He never bought an acre after the purchase of his only farm in 1944.
Figuring in a mortgage payment as part of the cost of raising a crop was not something he had to allow for.
We also differed on livestock. He had hogs and cattle for most of his farming career and I preferred raising only corn and soybeans.
What I did learn from him, and I made it a big part of my decisions, was having an appreciation of running a business conservatively. For example, I bought used equipment and used it until there was not much left.
He showed me the importance of work and play. There is a life on the farm and off the farm.
I also learned to appreciate the importance of taking a leadership position in my family. Be generous with your time and attention.
I believe my dad's only deficiency was his inability to teach, which was a part of his impatience. He wanted jobs to be done well and done promptly. For him, a mistake meant you messed up and was not something you learned from.
I went the other way and decided I would use patience and instruction to teach, allowing room for errors and second and third chances for myself and those around me.
I now look at my son and wonder what he has learned from my example because we lead by example. So I try to be a good example.
I can see some of my attitudes in my son, such as using a conservative approach to make decisions.
I see him being kind to the people around him and wanting to be a good provider for his family. Those traits go back to my dad.
My son can look at me and see places where we differ. He wants to raise livestock and his energy and love of farming are identical to my dad's, surpassing my own.
My son and I have some differences. He got tired of the frequent repairs that come with used equipment and prefers buying new or late model used when he can.
I tell him, "Just remember, you'll have to pay for it."
I can look at the three generations of farmers, my dad, my son and myself. All three of us wanting to do things our way but looking to the previous generation for some guidance—guidance we may or may not use.
My grandfather passed away in 1944, a farmer who raised three sons as farmers.
It wouldn't surprise me if my dad wanted to ask his dad, years after he was gone, "How am I doing?"
Clayton Rye is a farmer from Hanlontown, Iowa. He can be contacted by email at crye@wctatel.net.