Fair Enough
Children are a blessing, but parents should avoid putting them at the center of the household.
That's according to the keynote speaker, Kerry Estes, at last week's Northern Indiana Grazing Conference. Estes and his wife have four grown children and manage a 170-cow dairy operation in central Indiana.
During his speech, Estes shared advice on how farm families should incorporate their children into farm chores and family routines. One of his key pieces of advice was to make the children understand at an early age that life does not revolve around them.
He explained that parents should prioritize their marriage and treat the children with importance, but secondary to their own relationship. This makes sense to me, but it involves making some difficult decisions.
It's never easy to say no, but that is what parents must do at times. In a child-centered home, parents are spending hours each week transporting their children to and from extra-curricular activities. After a while, the child may start to think that Mom or Dad is there to serve them.
"They need to know that they don't always get what they want," Estes said. "They need to learn they are not No. 1 in the home."
I don't think Estes is saying that children can't be involved in 4-H or sports. Rather, the point is that parents have to set limits. Sometimes, they have to say no.
Saying no can be difficult when children want to pursue their own interests, whether it be playing sports or acting in the school musical. Sometimes they have a coach speaking into their ear, and that complicates the decision-making. Parents must look at each situation and make a judgment about what's best for the family. Unfortunately, many parents say yes when they should say no.
Like I've said before, children develop a good work ethic by spending time with Mom or Dad. The children learn how to fix things, solve problems and look at a situation from an adult perspective. They develop patience when working long hours and, like Estes said, they learn to keep working until the job is finished.
In our fast-pace world, I don't think parents and children communicate enough. One of the great joys of working with children, as Estes pointed out, is that parents and kids can talk. Parents learn about their children's concerns while they are milking cows or working in the fields. They should also pray with their children.
Estes offered another piece of advice for parents: Give children responsibility and allow them to see the consequences of their actions. If they leave a gate unlocked, they should be required to go to the barn and lock it. Sure, they may roll their eyes, but they will hopefully understand that the farm is more important than their personal schedule.